Sometimes I just get so frustrated. I really can't control it, and when I try to start my day out right with prayer and devotions, then it always seems to go a lot worse than if I hadn't.
So, I assume that it's all a test, a trial that I have to pass to show how strong my faith in Him really is (which if you haven't guessed it yet, is not too strong... yet), and since I have started the day out right (I hope), then this is the next step.
So, I keep trying and trying to pass this test, because seriously, my family/home life is what frustrates me the most out of anything, and it shouldn't be like that.
I love them all to death, but at the same time, they can get on my nerves so bad.
I once asked my Mom about what I can do to help me gain more patience ("like the virtue kind... not the...humans" -rofl) and she told me that probably the reason I was born into such a huge family (11 kids; 14 people in all including my Grandma, just in case ya didn't know) was to help me gain that, by testing me every single day.
So yes, I was reading C.H. Spurgeon the other day, and this quote jumped out at me.
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When you are tempted to sin, reply 'I cannot do this great wickedness, for I am Christ's!'
Let this be your argument for holiness. "I am Christ's".
I think that the reason that that stood out so well, is because that is exactly what I have needed. I am always tempted to frustration, and I am not setting the example that I should be. I am Christ's. I was bought for a price (1 Cor. 6:20 ). I am HIS. He cares for me and doesn't want me to feel like this, and He also doesn't want me to be acting like this, like I am not even one of His flock.
He bought me, and, like my pastor was saying in the sermon last Sunday, the relationship between Christ and I, is one comparitive to the relationship that a slave and his master share. The slave has been redeemed by his master, and set free. The slave is not one that is always in chains because of his master's cruelty, but rather, the slave and his master share the type of friendship that the slave is ready to follow him to the ends of the earth.
I am His. He is mine. Everything that the Son has is also mine through redemption. (Another thing that I could quote Spurgeon on.. :P)
I do not need to be like this. I need to ask Him to help me get on the right track again, and build my faith in Him. I am like the seed on the rocky ground right now. I believe in Him, I trust Him, but whenever my faith comes into a rocky patch, I fold, and I have to start over again. So I start... and I fail. And I do it over again. And I fail over again.
Let this be my prayer. Help me to follow Him even when I can't seem to go any farther. Help my faith to be that of the seed on the good earth, not the stony ground.
(woah, I just thought about that whole concept of the sower and the seeds... powerful stuff! I think I'll go throught that for devotions and maybe write something else on that..)
Anyways, here's some more Spurgeon -haha
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"Let me dread a godliness as rapid in growth and as lacking in endurance as Jonah's gourd. Let me count the cost if being a follower of Jesus.
Above all, let me feel the energy of the Holy Spirit,and then I will posess an abiding and enduring seed in my soul.
If my mind remains as stubborn as it was by nature, the sun of trial will scorch and my hard heart will help to cast the heat the more terribly on the uncovered seed. My faith will soon die, and my despair will be terrible;
therefore, Oh Heavenly Father, plough me first, and then cast the truth into me. Let me yield a bounteous harvest for You."
And here's some Scripture that I thought would fit in pretty well with all of this:
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Vs 5.For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ, we share abundantly in comfort too.
Vs. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.
2 Corinthians 1: 5-6
Well, I hope that this flows together well. It makes sense to me, so that's what matters, I guess.
Love all of you guys!
<3>
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