So, today I was kind of having a bad day, I was very impatient and frustrated, and I felt crappy because I thought that I was finally getting over that.
God spent a lot of time with me, and He helped me work through my frustration problems a few weeks ago, and I hadn't had a majorly bad day since then.
Until today.
Looking back, I had the stupidest reasons to be upset, it was basically over stuff I have experience doing every single day, and so? I wasn't having problems with it earlier, so why now?
I guess I could chalk it up to the fact that I hadn't actually spent time with my Lord at all really these past few nights. Probably the last time I had a good heart to heart with Him was last week sometime.
I'm weak in my faith, and I have no one to blame for that but myself.
Earlier (in the past month or so), I blamed my bad days on God. I always felt like it was God's fault, that I was being persecuted or something.
Oh my.
Was I ever wrong. My bad days are a result of my failings, my shortcomings. God isn't at fault.
I read a Charles Spurgeon quote the other day that helped me have a much better perspective on this:
"As for His failing you, never dream of it- hate the thought of it. The God who has been sufficent until now, should be trusted to the end."
(emphasis added)
If anything, He's trying to lovingly teach me.
I have been taught through my bad days. I have learned more and more about Him, through it all, and I think that I may even love Him more for them.
Here's a verse from Romans chapter 8 that I think works well in this context.
" Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:26-28
You know, it's amazing.
The Lord, the Creator, Lord God, Yahweh, Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Who Provides), Most High, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Alpha and Omega, the unchangeable, sinless Lord, is my Savior. He is my Savior. He is the Lover of my soul, my Redeemer, my Protector, my Father.
The Spirit intercedes for me. Why?
I have done nothing to deserve it and nothing I could ever do would deserve it.
But for some reason He still does.
He helps me. He "intercedes with groanings too deep for words."
I looked up groaning just to get an official translation on the word.
It means:
"a prolonged stressed dull cry expressive of agony, pain, or disapproval",
and is a synonym of moan, which is:
"A low, sustained, mournful cry, usually indicative of sorrow or pain."
So, yes. According to these verses, the Spirit is in pain, agony, and sorrowful because of me.
He is in pain because of me.
And what have I done in return it?
What did I do that would make Him go through so much pain on my behalf?
Nothing. Nothing but cause Him more pain, more sorrow, more agony.
Even on my best days, I'm still not anywhere near valuble enough to cause Him pain.
Why then?
Why?
Because He loves me.
I really need to take this to heart. I need to learn from this. I need to be more humble.
To finish off, I'm just going to take some verses about humility and close with prayer.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
(Ephesians 4:1-3)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
(Colossians 3:12)
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
(Philippeans 2: 1-3)
Lord, help me.
Help me to realize all that You do for me.
I know that I'll never deserve it and I know that there is absolutely nothing in me that could ever make You love me enough to go through the sorrow that You go through every single time I sin.
I wonder why You keep trying. I realize that You love me, and I am not sure why.
There is nothing beautiful, pure, honorable, trust-worthy, or lovely about me, other than what You have put in me.
Thank you for staying with me, for teaching me, and for loving me.
Please help me learn to be humble, meek and to have more love for You and for my fellow neighbors.
Help me to be thankful for my bad times, and to be faithful to You through them.
When it comes down to it, loving and living for You isn't that tough when life is a piece of cake. When life is hard, and I don't know what else to do, that is when what I do matters. When I can praise You and stick with You through trials, then that is when I'll know that my faith counts for something, that my faith is true, that it is strong.
I love You, Father.
Oh Lord, I pray that You would never let me forget it.
Amen.
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